"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." ~e e cummings

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

from the mouths of babes

Hey, strangers! Guess who doesn't have time to write anymore now that the kids are home for summer! All these words swirling around my head, hoping to come out, and I just can't find the time. Sound familiar? The kids are in the basement at the moment and I thought I'd take a minute to pass along a conversation I had with Max the other day.

This is a great conversation to read if you're feeling guilty about your parenting for whatever reason. Maybe you're not being the Summertime Fun-time Mom you wanted to be. Maybe you're raising your voice more than you want to. Maybe you're not-so-silently cursing under your breath every time you lather up to go outside because putting sunscreen on small children is Just The Worst.

After you read this, you'll feel better about yourself. You'll think, "Well, at least my kid doesn't think I'm a criminal."


Here we go.


[Scene: The living room. Max and Mom are snuggling on the couch. Everyone is calm. Everyone is happy. Nothing is happening that might predict what is about to be said.]

Max: Hey, Mommy, guess what I always think about.

Mom: I don't know, bud, what do you always think about?

Max: I always think about how what if you're not really my real Mommy.

Mom: Wait...what?

Max: I always think that maybe you're not my real Mommy and that maybe a long time ago you captured my real mom and dad and now you and Daddy are just pretending to be my parents.

Mom: Wait. Max. You're just being silly, right? You didn't really think that, right?

Max: Haha! I know it's silly! Haha! But what if you did? And you captured my mom and dad and you kidnapped me and you're just pretending now.

Mom: Max, baby, you know that I'm your real Mommy. You were in my tummy and Daddy and I went to the hospital and I had you. You've been with me for forever and I've loved you since the second I knew you were in my tummy. You know that, right?

Max: Yeah, but what if all of that was just pretend? What if you and Daddy are, like, really good at pretending to be my parents?

Mom: .....

Max: ...and this whole time I've been thinking that you're my real parents and I have no idea that my REAL real parents are somewhere else because you captured them! Isn't that funny? That's so weird.

Mom: Yup. That's pretty weird. But Max, I'm your real Mommy and I would never do something terrible like capture someone and kidnap their kid and pretend to be that kid's mom. Okay?

Max: I know, Mommy.

[Max and Mommy hug.]

Max: ....but what if you're just pretending to mean that?!


Lesson Learned:

What the hell?


  1. You win.

    I have nothing to match that.

    1. Damn it, Ethel. That was your cue to tell me that your kids say shit like that all the time and it's completely normal.