"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." ~e e cummings

Thursday, October 16, 2014

all I want for Christmas...

Rejoice!
It's the most wonderful time of the year!
It's holiday catalog season!

My kids are catalog lovers, too. They've been poring over the American Girl, Magic Cabin, and Lego glossies as they've arrived in our mailbox; making and amending wish lists for the upcoming holiday season.

Well, I've been making my own wish list and I found all I want for Christmas in this one, glorious catalog of brilliance.

Hellooooooo, Hammacher Schlemmer! 
I've missed you and your ingenious products since I saw you last about a year ago. 

Thank you for helping me to realize, for instance, that when it comes to sucking up bugs, no ordinary vacuum will do! I need the BEST bug vacuum!


Forget the fact that this, BEST, bug vacuum puts me closer to the little beasties than my regular vacuum cleaner hose would...this BEST bug vacuum can suck up as many as 24 live crickets in just 15 seconds! Add it to the list!

Ever wonder if your party guests are honestly having a good a time as they assure you they are? Well wonder no more! With this Home Lie Detector Test, you can put your guests to the test


Or maybe you've got a teen at home. Were they actually where they said they were when they were out with their friends? Meet 'em at the door at curfew with this baby and watch your relationship, built on honesty and trust, blossom......or.....not.

Speaking of teens! What's with all the phone chargers all over the house, am I right? Now you can keep all of those cords in one convenient location....your paper towel holder, of course!


Wait, what?

Anyway. As much as I'm looking forward to the Presents portion of the holiday, the anticipation leading up to Christmas is almost just as great. And what better way is there to build Christmas Spirit momentum than by decking the halls? That's why this is going on my list: 
The Fashionista Christmas Tree!


$250?! What a steal!

And for our yard, I can't wait to see this hilarious 12-foot Inflatable Slumbering Santa blow up. 


Because there's no image my kids would rather see in the weeks leading up to Christmas than that of Santa in a deep, non-toy-producing sleep.

You know what's just the worst?
Paparazzi. That's what.

Well let's see them try to take a picture of me now, huh?
Huh?!


Put that in your precious Us Weekly, you jerk.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen a friend across the way on a cold, winter day, flashed her the universal signal for "Call Me!" and wished that I could, in that moment, actually call her. With my gloved hand.

Well now I can. (Or I will if my wish is fulfilled!)


What can't they put bluetooth technology in these days?
Geniuses.

As a caffeine-fueled mama who still, after seven-and-a-half LOOONNNGGG years, is woken up in the middle of most nights by at least one of her children, the idea of a Power Nap makes me weak in the knees. No seriously. I'm pretty much always tired.

With this Power Nap Head Pillow, I'll be able to catch a few ZZZ's no matter where I am!


Sitting at the table "coloring" with the kids? Nap time!
Story time at the library? Nap time!
Waiting in the school drop-off lane? Nap time!
PTO meeting? Nap time! 
(Ha ha! Totally kidding about that last one, PTO friends!)

And finally.
I'm not sure if I've ever told you guys this, but I've always wished I could communicate with other cats, I mean people, with my ears. Like a cat. I've always wished that my brainwaves could animate large, cartoonish, cat-like ears on the top of my head in accordance to my mood and attentiveness.


But who hasn't wished that, right?

This is going to be the Best Christmas Ever!

2 comments :

  1. Utterly hilarious. I want those too. Right now. Stuff waiting for Christmas.

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    Replies
    1. Actually, what I really want to see are the products that *didn't* make it into the catalog! :)

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