Did she really just compare a baby to shoes?
Yes. But they're shoes with a soul.
Anyway...that feeling of an opportunity missed...If only the timing had been tipped a little bit more in my favor. You know that, if it's meant to be (and if you work hard enough, explore all options, keep an open mind, check those deal-a-day sites regularly, etc.), you'll someday have that baby in your arms or those shoes on your feet...but not today. And not tomorrow. And maybe not a year from now.
And the not knowing when or if or how comes rushing to you all at once and you feel overwhelmed and discouraged...and Sad.
I feel Sad today.
An opportunity missed.
I'm not trying to get pregnant, but this missed opportunity is bigger than a great deal on trendy (and conscientious!) shoes. Maybe someday I'll get another chance to make the could-have-been turn real...but it won't be today. And it won't be tomorrow. And it might not even be a year from now.
But maybe someday.
So, with great determination (and a pit in my stomach), I will move forward. I find I do this best by looking around me and noticing and appreciating those little things that have gone unnoticed and unappreciated lately.
Today, I find happiness in....
Late afternoons in mid-March, spent in the front yard with our favorite neighbors. A tease of seventy degree weather before one (hopefully) last blast of winter strikes later this week. Seven kids playing, six grow-ups sitting and chatting and drinking beer long past when toys should have been put away and hands should have been washed for dinner. A collective agreement to serve chicken nuggets or leftovers instead of what was supposed to be on the menu so that the last rays of evening sunlight could be savored.
The line that Evan is walking on, which separates Big Kid from Little Kid. He's inching further into Big Kid zone but he still wants me to tuck in his Bear at night, too.
Making vacation plans. In the next four and a half months, we'll be heading to the Outer Banks, Austin, and Montana and we couldn't be more excited. There will be a new baby to meet on one of the stops, too, which is adding to the anticipation.
Max's "Wacky Wednesday" outfit for school today, which was his typical after-school uniform: a princess gown fashioned from one of my old skirts, plus cat ears, a cat tail, and slippers. As we were walking out the door he said, "I just can't imagine anything wackier than a sleepy kitty princess!"
The fact that I'm done with dating. I mean, I know dating in real life is probably NOT like how it is on The Bachelor but, damn. I couldn't do it.
Jimmy Fallon's The Tonight Show. And Jimmy Fallon.
That burst of baby-lotion-smell that I get when I open Molly's door to check on her one last time before going to bed.
This blog. And the forum it gives me for getting these feelings and these thoughts out of my head, where they would otherwise sit and simmer and grow and threaten to drive me mad.
....with thanks to The Muppets:
Moving right along.