We've had...a little bit of brother-togetherness lately, as Winter decided to dump 10-inches of I'm-Not-Over-Yet Arrogance on our town on Wednesday. Thousands of my neighbors, and a handful of schools in our county, have been without power (we were very lucky to have only a few flickers), so we've been at home. Together.
And it's been great.
Except for when it wasn't. Because, as everyone knows, togetherness is Great. Until it isn't.
Evan: You have to say you're sorry.
Max: You're sorry.
E: No, you have to say you're sorry.
E: You have to say you're sorry and mean it.
M: I'm sorry and I mean it.
E: Louder so I can hear it.
E: That's TOO loud, Max.
Me (banging head on counter): STOP IT! YOU CANNOT BE THE BOSS OF HIS APOLOGIES.
Me, to Max: "Max, stop jumping on my bed when you're wearing my shoes."
Later: "Max, careful on the stairs...those [satin, sequined, magenta ballet flats] are slippery."
And the next day: "Evan, don't run so fast, it's hard for him to keep up when he's wearing my heels."
Evan: You know, you can't tell the snow where to fall.
Me: Nope, you can't. That's nature for you.
Evan: I'm just so frustrated.
Me: What? Why?
Evan: It's just so not fair that we can't tell snow where to fall.
Max: So, I'm Pocahontas and you're John Smith.
Evan: I don't want to be John Smith, I'm ALWAYS John Smith.
Me, interrupting: What "always"?? You guys just saw that movie for the first time last night! How many times have you had to be John Smith?
Evan: Well, once. And that's the same as always because we only played it once.
Max: Fine. You can be Pocahontas.
Evan: Max! I don't want to be Pocahontas!
Max: Okay, you can be John Smith.
Me, to two whiny, bickering boys: I don't understand how you two can be anything other than happy right now! It's a SNOW DAY! KIDS LOVE SNOW DAYS. JUST BE HAPPY. AND BE NICE. IT'S THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD TO BE NICE.
Max: You know, it's not nice to yell.
Me: I'm not yelling. I'm talking loudly. And seriously.
Max: Then make your eyes look like this. [Raises eyebrows and smiles a Shirley Temple smile.]
Max: I would like strip tease.
Me: Cheese, Max. Ch-ch-cheese, not 'tease.' And....let's call it "shredded," okay?
Max: When I grow up, I'm going to be a Doctor Baker and have a town-home full of neighbors. Evan, you can work at my town-home, too, but you can't be a fancy job like me, you can have a normal job, like a mailman. But you can live at my town-home and I'll make you sweets and you can help me at my Doctor Bakery. You can be my assistant! And Molly, and Olivia, and Lauren, and Anna, and Meg, and Elizabeth can be my assistants! And you can all live in my town-home full of neighbors!!
Evan: Max. WHAT are you TALKING ABOUT?
Max: Do you want to play with me?
Max: Mom! Evan doesn't want to play with me!
Me: Well, maybe he's busy. Maybe he'll be ready to play with you a bit later.
Max: Evan, do you want to play with me later?
Evan: Yes, Max.
Max: [pause] Is it later?
Evan: No, Max.
Max: Can you play with me NOW?
Evan: When I'm done!
Max: FINE! Then I'm not playing with you EITHER!
Evan: Max, do you want to play?
Max: LATER! [pause] Okay. Now is later.
Ready for spring? Why, yes. Quite. Thank you.