Aside from on my friends' blogs, I typically don't enjoy reading other people's Kids Say the Darnedest Things posts because I don't find strangers' children to be as adorable or hilarious as my own. So if you don't happen to find my Maxwell as irresistibly cute and funny as I do, just go ahead and stop reading here.
For the rest of you, here's what you've been missing (because you already know that he thinks my chicken tacos taste "double genius" and you've seen the "I love Lola" video on facebook...):
Max curses. When he's frustrated or something isn't working for him as it should, he lets the expletives fly. Luckily, because he hasn't ever heard any real curse words, his Truck Driver Mouth is rated G:
"Pogo! Pogo! Pogo!"
"Hey-ya, hoo hoo!"
"You froofy thing!"
...and my personal favorite:
Today, while "reading" what I'd written on one of the many boxes cluttering his play space:
"K-I-T-C-H-E-N...BOX!...hmmmm? The H must be silent."
In the car:
Max: "So can I marry Katie?"
Me: "Nope, she's your aunt. You'll marry someone who's not already in our family."
"Like Uncle Mike, Brennan's Daddy, Uncle Mike?"
"No, because he's in our family already, too. He's married to Aunt Katie."
"Oh. How about Big Uncle Mike?"
"No. He's in our family, too. He's your Uncle."
"Oh, because he's Uncle Mike?"
"Can I marry Lauren? She's not an uncle."
"She's not, but she's your cousin. You'll marry a friend. Your best friend. You'll love someone so much that you'll want that person to be in your family. So you'll get married."
"Ohhhhhhhhhh! I get it!"
"Like Pop? Can I marry Pop?"
[Me, banging head on steering wheel.] "Want to listen to music?"
Evan: "I wish I had three arms."
Max, thoughtfully: "Hmmm. Yeah. I wish I had fifteen penises."
After his nap the other day:
"I want to keep my comfy pants on. Not my jeans. They're too jeany-ish. HA! jeany-ish! I meant to say that!"
After "kissing" Molly:
"Ha! I just blew blackberry kisses on her cheek!"
"You mean raspberry kisses."
"No. BLACKberry kisses. I call it 'ever I want. Blackberry. Mmmmm. Blackberries. I want blackberries with my lunch today. Is it lunch now? I'm hungry. And I want Pirate Booty with lunch. HA! Booty! Watch me shake my booty! HAHA! Watch me do the hiney dance! HAHA! HINEY!!"
"Mommy, let's chit chat."
"Sure. What do you want to chat about?"
"Ohhhhhh, you know. Chattery stuff. Like chitter chatter. HAHA! Chitter Chatter! I meant to say that!"
While on our way to school the other day, we saw a new, strange machine at the work site. It's a wood chipper, but the boys didn't know that yet. They were guessing what it would be used for...
Evan: I think it's a pavement spreader. The gravel goes down that conveyor belt, gets mixed with asphalt, and comes out the back chute as hot, new pavement.
Max (without missing a beat): I think it's a donut machine. It makes delicious donuts for the workmen to eat for snack when they take a break. Mmmmmm. Donuts. I want mine with pink and sprinkles.
"The color of love is purple."
"Yeah. It's all purpley and lovey."
Maxwell. Max whose favorite color is pink. Max who wants to drive a Food Truck when he grows up. Max who still holds my ears, puts his forehead against mine, smiles with his eyes and responds, "Okay," when I tell him I love him. My imaginative, colorful, descriptive, little lovey with a potty mouth. I just love him.